DEAR ABBY: My nephew is 19. I have been co-parenting him and his sister since they were 15. He has some issues that are normal for his generation. What isn’t normal is his inflated sense that life is all about him. If it doesn’t benefit him, he doesn’t do it. I have been giving him the structure, guidance and direction that he has asked for, but he’s not changing. His girlfriend has been on him about his poor hygiene, but he doesn’t change.
Lately, he has become withdrawn and silent, and he is by himself a lot. He literally sleeps all day. Oh, and he’s a compulsive liar, so we don’t know if anything he tells us is truthful. He does have depression issues and some trauma. Those signs are easy to spot in him. What gives, if you know? — OBSERVANT UNCLE IN INDIANA
DEAR UNCLE: Has your nephew been treated for his depression or trauma? Whether the answer is yes or no, it’s time for him to be checked by a physician to determine whether he may be physically or possibly mentally ill or on drugs. Please don’t wait to make it happen.
DEAR ABBY: My wife goes to lunch with male co-workers at least a couple times a week. When she has lunch with them, she uses a credit card so I won’t know, but when she eats by herself, she uses our bank account. I have heard her make breakfast dates by saying, “You know where,” or “The place by work,” rather than saying where. Is this common? — SUSPICIOUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: You seem to be a VERY suspicious spouse. It’s not unusual for male and female co-workers to have a lunch together. “You know where” and “the place by work” are descriptors used by people who have a routine, not necessarily to obscure anything nefarious. Could your wife be secretive about it because she knows if she isn’t, you will give her the third degree?
DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old guy. I live in California. There’s an eighth grade girl I have a crush on. The last time I saw her was three years ago in a musical theater show we were both in. I knew she liked me when she passed me a note that said, “Do you like me?” Sadly, I chickened out. I did write a really cool love rap for her. The problem is, she’s on TV shows and commercials in L.A., and she might think she’s too good for me now. How should I approach her? Should I show her my rap? — CRUSHING IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR CRUSHING: Approach her by letting her know you think she’s doing a great job on those shows and commercials. Then tell her you wrote something just for her and share it with her. It’s a huge compliment and she should be appreciative. However, if she indicates that she thinks she’s “too good for you now,” it is very important you remember that because someone feels that way DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE. (There’s a showbiz adage that’s as true today as it was when it was coined: “Be nice to people you meet on your way up. You’ll meet them on your way down.”)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
