DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together six years. We are both divorced. We plan on being married in six months. He’s a perfect partner except for one thing. Every holiday, he jumps out of bed in the morning and takes his phone with him into the bathroom. There he texts his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend. He feels the need to wish them a happy whatever holiday it is. This hurts my feelings.
I don’t understand why it’s so important for him to contact them. Apparently, they are the first thing on his mind every holiday, or maybe every day. I don’t know if I should marry him. I believe he still loves his ex-wife. Help, please. — SUSPICIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I will assume that sometime over the past six years you have discussed this at least once with your boyfriend. This means he knows that when he jumps out of bed, takes his phone and hides in the bathroom to text his exes, it makes you feel insecure.
If you really think he may still be in love with his ex-wife, do not marry this person. Because the two of you intend to move on to the next level (engagement), it’s time for you to seek premarital counseling. If you do, you will discuss topics such as money, child-rearing and whatever he is doing that makes you uncomfortable (and vice versa). It should help you avoid conflict once you are married.
DEAR ABBY: I live in a small town with a population of about 10,000. There is almost nothing to do here. There is a skating rink, a movie theater and a bowling alley. Since bowling in a league is a weekly thing, I joined one.
Our bowling center has been bought by a former professional bowler. She has formed a team consisting of herself, her fiance, her son and a friend who are all top-notch bowlers. Her son scores in the high 200s every game he bowls. Since they own the place, they get unlimited practice. The lady pro has taught them everything she knows. The rest of us don’t stand a chance of winning a game against them. Should I just not care and think of it as a night out, and accept that when we bowl against the “big guns,” as they have been referred to, we can count on losing?
It’s true that it’s not about winning; it’s about having fun. But it’s disheartening that we already know the outcome before the night begins. There are other leagues to bowl in. Maybe I should join one of those? If we all drop out one by one, I’m sure they will figure out what’s going on. Any advice? — AVERAGE BOWLER IN TENNESSEE
DEAR BOWLER: Talk to the new owner of the bowling alley and tell her how you and the other players feel. This is her livelihood, and she needs to know that it may be time to start a new league of less practiced bowlers like yourself. If she’s a good businesswoman, she will be open to it. If she isn’t, you and the others should take your business elsewhere.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
